Slumlords invest large resources into lawn mowers. Used lawn mowers and new lawn mowers are broken in comparable fashion by gnarly, trashy yards. View high resolution

Slumlords invest large resources into lawn mowers. Used lawn mowers and new lawn mowers are broken in comparable fashion by gnarly, trashy yards.

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Can that ho turn into a housewife?
Meddling tenant
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She ain’t right in the head. She sends $5000 checks to Garth Brooks.
Tenant Gossip

Mirror over Bed Written in Lipstick

We are fucking sexy.

Conversation

  • Tenant: I done come home from work and found a busted window.
  • Me: Two things. You don't work. Second, I saw a small TV in the yard when I drove past. Is that the same window?
  • Tenant: Yes Ma'am. I think I've been framed.
  • Me: I think you're replacing a window on your own dime.
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Someone broke in and stole the handle on the oven. I filed a police report. Now, can you fix it?
Tenant who lies poorly
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I know it’s Thanksgiving, but the shitter’s done stopped up.
On Thanksgiving, it would be nice to call it a toilet.  Slumlords work 365 days a year.

Conversation

Tenant:  Can you meet me at the house at 2AM, so I can get my stuff out?

Me:  No, but I can meet you at 9AM.

Tenant:  Well, you see, there’s a warrant out for my arrest.  They got the shit all wrong.  Court’s gonna throw it out.  But, the law done been down there to find me.  And I think they’s on the lookout for me.

Me:  If the court’s going to throw it out, why don’t you just turn yourself in and get a court date?

Tenant:  I’ve got another problem.  They’s a warrant out for not paying my first old lady child support.  And, that’s true.

Me:  I’m sorry.

Tenant:  Oh, hell, I’ll just go break in.  Hate to do that to you.  You’s a good landlord.

Me:  Me too.  I’ll just keep your security deposit then.

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Can you believe he still gets bitches to sleep with him in a bed full of fleas?
Meddling Tenant
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Will you come lock this bitch out?
I don’t lock out bitches or bastards.